There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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