No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just gift wrapped bread.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
