you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
