I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
