My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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