the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
