went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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