I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
