So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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