I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
