Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
