I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize