did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
