I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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