Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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