Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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