your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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