I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
