He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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