I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
