I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
