God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The air was thick with penises
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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