Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
