Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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