it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
