I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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