Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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