I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
