I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
