I think im going to throw up on grandma
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize