try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
