FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
