This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
