It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
