did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
