you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
