Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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