I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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