my mouth tastes like poor choices
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize