proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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