you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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