I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
