Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
