She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
