Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
