i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
id be glad to
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
