Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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