Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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