you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
