So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
