I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
