I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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