the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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