where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
someone owes me an orgasm
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize