Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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