i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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