Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
