i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize