god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
