I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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