i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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