I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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