It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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