no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
