I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
