I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
