I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
