She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
