I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
