Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm always down for nudity.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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