I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
