two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
