Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
