i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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