tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
