It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
