I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
