I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone came in the potted fern
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
