Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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