I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
