Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
